Vale "D'oH", or, bring back "the Department"

DH cannot stay silent any longer in the face of increasing outrage at being robbed of her prey.

She will never forgive the Department of Housing for rebadging itself as Housing NSW.

It almost smacks of misleading advertising. Housing NSW is a government department, but the slick new corporate"branding" obscures this fundamental reality.

For a start, a huge slice of the population is barely coping with the fact that the Housing Commission was renamed the NSW Dept of Housing way back in 1986. (Isn't Wikipedia wonderful!).

It means that journos now have to clutter their prose with "... Housing NSW (HNSW), formerly known as the NSW Department of Housing ...".

For housos, muttering about "the Department" somehow loses its satisfying Kafkaesque edge. Although the shiny corporate moniker "Housing NSW" could possibly qualify as Orwellian Newspeak.

And for satirists "D'oH" was a gift whose passing is deeply mourned.

Henceforth, DH is putting her foot down. She will not let go of her prey that easily! She shall continue to refer to the "entity formerly known as the Department" as "the Department".

Congrats to DOH on swift response to flooding

NSW DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING'S STORM RESPONSE: ALL HANDS TO THE PUMPS

Facts & figures: NSW Department of Housing

Publisher: National TSN

 

The storms and resulting floods in the Newcastle area have resulted in more than 1,700 Department of Housing homes being damaged, mainly in the Newcastle and Lake Macquarie areas.

With rehousing the worst affected residents and repairing homes an urgent priority, the Department has swung into action in many ways:

• The Department's Northern NSW Division has established its own disaster recovery project team to coordinate action for our residents. The Department also has two staff attached to the Newcastle Disaster Recovery Centre, coordinated by the Department of Community Services, to help with re-housing issues,
• The Department doubled the number of staff in the 24 hour Housing Contact Centre over the weekend of the floods to manage the increase in calls,
• More than 100 Departmental staff worked on the weekend of the storm to assist the rehousing process,
• Nine staff from other areas of the state have been seconded to Newcastle to bolster numbers,
• There are four firms of contractors on the ground making urgent repairs
• The Department will call all 3,700 elderly tenants in the area to check they don't have unreported problems with their homes. By Friday 15 June nearly 1,000 calls had been made,
• A letter to the 18,000 Department of Housing tenants in the area has been sent, detailing how they should contact the Department to report damage and also asking for patience with non-urgent maintenance issues as flood damage is dealt with first,
• The out-of-hours Temporary Assistance Accommodation Line has been extended to operate all day to help residents in the affected area,
• Staff on the front line are available to answer questions and distribute Q&A sheets to residents answering questions about compensation matters related to the storm,
• The Department is working with other agencies, such as Centrelink to ensure residents are able to access disaster relief payments and NSW Health to get timely advice related to any possible health concerns as a result of the floods and what the Department will need to do to ensure residents are safe, and
• A community BBQ was held in Hamilton South, attracting 200 residents, aimed at lifting the spirits of those affected by the storms and flood.

The National TSN would like to thank the NSW Department of Housing, on behalf of the many tenants who've called or emailed expressing their sincere appreciation for the compassionate and expeditious way the Department has dealt with their issues, during very trying times.

 

Garry Mallard

Coordinator

The National TSN

tsn@thenexus.org.au

DoH's Ungood* New Policy: Relocating Tenants for Fun and Profit

* Ungood: Newspeak from George Orwell's totalitarian fantasy 1984

Relocating Tenants for Management Purposes - EST0038A
Policy Effective Date: 16 Mar 1984 (retroactively)
Architects: Humpty, Humpty, Dumpty, and Orwell

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less'. 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things'. 'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all'." Lewis Carrol - Through the Looking Glass, c.vi

For the last half a century we housos have felt perfectly secure in the knowledge that we were as safe as houses, which everyone knows, stand, as does the universe, on a firm foundation of turtles standing on the backs of turtles on the backs of turtles, in short, turtles all the way down

Except that us housos have just run out of turtles.

When you have a policy that relocates tenants for "managerial purposes" where "managerial purposes " means

1. Anything the department wants it to mean,
   
   
   OR alternatively
   
   
2. Any other compelling reason relating to the management of the Department’s property (...sic!!!)

then hold onto your hats because we're about to go into free fall.

Check it out ...

http://www.housing.nsw.gov.au/Policies+and+Fact+Sheets/Policies/Relocating+Tenants+for+Management+Purposes+-+EST0038A.htm

Merry Xmas, your home is being demolished. Cheers, Your Housing Minister

The letter sent to tenants at Lilyfield has found its way to DH, straight from the Brutalist School of Correspondence with the Lower Classes.

Charming, innit? ... No velvet gloves, polite phrases or Noble Lies need be wasted on the underclasses. No "Your tenancy is important to us. Terribly sorry for inconveniencing you "somewhat(!)". It must have left some tenants guessing how soon is "not immediately".

Just plain rude.

November 2006

Dear XXX

In order to provide improved public housing, the Department of Housing has decided to redevelop the property you are currently living in. I am writing to provide you with some initial information about what this means for you. You will not have to move immediately. The Department will meet with you to discuss your circumstances and make alternative arrangements for you.

Depending on your circumstances, you may be able to: •
· Move temporarily and return after the redevelopment is complete, or •
· Move permanently to another dwelling (in this or another area of your choice)

Client service staff from your local office will be in touch with you during the next two weeks to arrange to meet with you to discuss your specific needs. The Department aims to provide you with accommodation which is at least equal to the type and amenity of your current dwelling, taking your current circumstances into account. We would ask that you discuss any specific needs you may have with the staff member who meets with you.

The Department will pay for all reasonable relocation costs. I appreciate that the relocation process may cause you some inconvenience and disruption, and for this reason the Department
will be as flexible as is reasonably possible to find alternative accommodation which meets your present wishes and lifestyle. I am therefore confident that we will be able to provide you with accommodation which meets your needs.

It is the Department’s intention that you will not be financially disadvantaged by this relocation. All reasonable re-establishment costs will be paid for by the Department, and this includes: •
· Removalist costs •
· Telephone reconnection •
· Electricity reconnection •
· Gas reconnection •
· Mail redirection for 3 months.

In some instances, reimbursement for permanent improvements (which have been approved by the Department), and window coverings and light fittings will be approved (up to a reasonable amount), if not provided at the alternative accommodation. You should discuss any of these requests with the staff member who meets with you regarding your needs.

Necessary maintenance will continue to be carried out to your home. You should continue to request urgent maintenance from the Housing Contact Centre on 131571.

In order to commence the redevelopment, the Department may require access to the external areas of your property from time to time and your cooperation in this regard is appreciated. We will liaise with you when this is required. Access to the inside of your home is not likely to be
required.

I hope I have addressed some of your initial concerns, however if you have any further questions after today, you should contact your Client Service Officer in the first instance.


Yours sincerely …

etc…

Snooping around Lilyfield

The first DH heard about the proposed Lilyfield redevelopment was from someone at the Greens' stall at the Glebe Fair. The rather over-excited buzz was that the letters from the Ministers had gone out, the bulldozers were poised, the tenants were devastated, and some of them would be out before Christmas. DH had a moment of scepticism... hey that can't happen here, surely ... and sure enough, on closer questioning, it turned out that the letter hadn't quite said that, but the "person who delivered the letter" had, something a lot less verifiable.

Now DH did not want to go down in history as the Pastor Niemoller of Public Housing ... "When they came for Minto, I stayed silent, because I'm not a Westie, when they came for Bonnyrig, I stayed silent because I wasn't sure if Minto and Bonnyrig were the same place, when they came for Dubbo, I stayed silent because I'm not an Aboriginal, when they came for the Block the issues were too complex for my poor brain etc etc" , but Lilyfield was getting just a little bit close to home. Clearly what was needed was some research at ground zero, and thus it was that DH cd be spotted shortly thereafter snooping around the estate, taking pictures of what at first glance is a typical red brick 50's travesty. But a closer look reveals an unexpected and quite lovely oasis hidden away at the centre of the block.

More later about what she found out from the residents she managed to waylay, local politicians, and housing activists.

Snooping around Lilyfield, cont...

DH managed to speak to about 5 residents while prowling about. With 40 units slated for redevelopment, this in no way implies a valid sample of feeling on the estate as a whole.
However, of those 5, only 1 said they had any particular attachment to the place, or desire to return, and even that person was saying, "unless of course the temporary placement is better".

Housos are as rational as any other punters when it comes to real estate, and quite rightly are jockeying for the best home they can get for themeselves or their families. The others were keen to leave but only because their flats badly need maintenance. In the general climate of mistrust around razor-gang governments, property deals, and bungled policy, it is not surprising that there is a question hanging in the air: "Was the estate deliberately allowed to run down, so that the only option was to send in the bulldozers?". DH is not competent to judge, furthermore she is not lacking in trust, does not belong to that infantile brigade who profess to feel superior to "all pollies" from the comfort of their armchairs while making no attempt to test out their own unimpeachable ideals. ... Now seems like as good time as any to confess that she is a card-carrying member of the ALP, not because she is a true believer in "my party right or wrong" but because democracy relies on the active participation of its citizens.

That said, on with the fait accompli!

It seems that when Cherie Burton sent out her Big Announcement, she omitted to inform either the sitting member, Sandra Nori, or Verity Firth the incumbent candidate for the new seat of Balmain. Another less than impressive act from a Minister who is not making herself popular with her constituents. As a result, Verity Firth has been forced into damage control, door-knocking the distressed residents, doing her best to minimise their anxiety with the news that the Ministers' "oversight" put VF in a good bargaining position to extract a written guarantee that all who wanted to return could do so.

Can we trust her?

The activist brigade say, "Look at Minto. What good were written guarantees there? Dont be too trusting. The devil is in the detail. For instance, in Minto, yes, the stocks will be replenished, but they will be one bedroomers, so families can never return. Look for the hidden traps."

PURPLE ALERT!

Shameless editorialising follows. Enter at own peril.

DH thinks that is irrelevant. Times are going to get tougher for obvious reasons. Oil, weather, economics, the falling $USD, a horrid climate of resentment and downward envy, fomented by our Crypto-Darwinist-In-Chief, John Howard, who has turned too many of us into a nation of individualists, struggling each against each and devil-take-the-hindmost.

There are no guarantees apart from what tenants can collectively work towards ourselves.

There is only one thing tenants can trust in and that is in building our own strong and trusting communities. By getting involved with the political process, by continuing to inform ourselves and broaden our understanding, in the spirit of "expecting the best and preparing for the worst", we can support our politicians to be the best representatives they can be. This applies to almost everyone. The majority of tenants innately have the intelligence, even if it's buried under years of disempowerment. Give the right seeds, they can lift their game. And most politicians go into the game out of a genuine desire to do good. An active citizenry can help them to keep on track.

In the meantime, as far as DH has been able to find out, while the demolition plans are out, to date no design plan exists for rebuilding...

Entrapment; or, Come and see this property, said the spider to the fly...

DH has a friend with 2 disabled boys in a 2 bedroom D'oH unit.
She has been sleeping in the lounge room for 5 years, and has been on a priority list for rehousing within the same area for 7 years.
She lives in an area with some notorious DoH badlands, and she is afraid to go there, especially with her 2 very vulnerable boys. She has made clear that she wants to stay in her immediate locality.
This has never been questioned by the Dept.
Recently the department has contacted her, saying, "Look, there is nothing much in this area, why not come and have a look at Badlands Ave. We promise you won't be under any obligation". Reluctantly she agreed. But when she turned up and saw the teen gang smoking outside the front door of the dilapidated estate, she refused to go in.
Next week, she gets another offer in the same area. She explains again that she has been promised she is not under obligation to go out of area, and declines.
Next step. You guessed it. She gets a letter saying that as she has refused 2 offers, she will be knocked off the rehousing list and has to go to the end of the queue, unless she has a medical certificate...
Well, DH hears you say, "Tough. We're all doing it tough. She should be grateful she has a roof over her head at all."
And that is the attitude we had to have after 10 years of John Howard. This is the Australia that we had to have, according to Public Tenant No 1, John Howard, who has robbed to poor to give to the rich. Example du jour. transferring public moneys to private landlords via the Rental Assistance scheme/
The story gets worse, but its too damn complex for DH to find the time, and she's just plain disspirited...

Citizen rubber stamps, please witness this,

D'oH does not give out reference numbers for phone transactions.

Tenants have been burned when they have reported income, the record goes missing, and it looks for all the world like they are trying to cheat.

DH has had a week's casual income. She rang up to report this, and was told that the Department doesnt worry if it's just a week here or there.

DH thinks this is great as she is sure the administrative overhead of collecting a week's rent would exceed whatever extra rent the department would get.

However, on past experience with government departments, which clearly do not invest much in training their overstretched staff, DH has had too many experiences of different staff giving completely different rulings, and she doesn't want to get into trouble.

So please note that on Thursday the 23rd Nov 2006, DH rang the Department of Housing to notify them of a week's casual work and that she was told not to worry, unless it became regular work.

If you feel like being a Citizen Rubber Stamp, send her a receipt and drop her a line at desperate.houso@gmail.com

The "Cain't get Mah Rental Subsidy Form" Blues

DH is worried that some of her fans in the D'oH might be feeling neglected because they haven't copped a mention in months.
It's simple. The system works well as long as tenants are unemployed, the money circulates quite happily via direct debits between Centrelink and the D'oH, without any need for the middleman, the tenant.

D'oH has no problems with people being unemployed. It's when someone gets a job that the department goes into fibrillation, especially if that job involves income that varies from week to week.

As the appalling prospect of employment looms for DH, her wishlist from the Department is

• a speedy online and/or telephone income reporting system: report now and document later
• quick response on the new rent payable to avoid a backlog of rent arrears
• finding a way of not "outing" public housing tenants to their new employers

instead of the current 30 Point Plan (based on a compilation of everything that has happened to DH this year).

See next pos for this simple plan:

DOH's Simple 30 Step Plan for Income Reporting

1. Tenant rings D'oH to to notify them of new employment
2. The call centre promises to put the appropriate form, the Rental Subsidy Form into the mail.
3. Next day, the form does not arrive.
4. A week later, tenant who is busy trying to impress employers in new job and doesnt have time to keep ringing DOH, rings again to enquire "Where is my Rental Subsidy form?".
5. Go to Step 2. Keep going to step two until several weeks pass.
6. Form finally arrives.
7. Form now lies mouldering in bottom of tenant's handbag while s/he is distracted by demands of new job
8. Tenant smites forehead, having just noticed crumb-encrusted form at bottom of handbag.
9. Feeling reluctant to out herself as a houso when her new employer still thinks she's a pillar of the community, decides she might just wait a bit.
10. Tenant bites bullet and is referred to company accountant, who is invariably on leave for another 2 weeks, and has more important things to catch up with when they get back than worry about about some houso's pathetic form.
11. Tenant hassles accountant for another week until form finally rubber stamped
12. Form now lies mouldering in handbag for another week, because tenant is out of habit of using snail mail.
13. Plus, let us be perfectly frank, tenant has just started work after a period of barely subsistence income. Tenant needs new work clothes, has lost transport and medication subsidies, the creditors have all come home to roost, the tenant has a bit of money in her hands, and is in no hurry to be pushed back to a level of disposable income that's only a few dollars more than s/he on the carer's pension. For those of you in the know, TEIS, the Tenant Employment Incentive Scheme has not kicked in because this is not the tenant's first short-term contract this year. So tenant uses the system in the same way as the rich guys, and hope that when the rent bill catches up with her some deus-ex-machina will save her
14. Tenant finally posts the form to DoH
15. Tenant waits longer than seems reasonable for a response from Department
16. Still no word from Department
17. Tenant rings up Department
18. Department is required by law to have lost any record of tenants ever calling them on any matter
19. Department promises to pass on urgent message to team leader who is "out visiting sites".
20. Team leader doesn't call back. (Repeat steps 15 thru 16 n times, or till patience wears out)
21. Eventually another form is accquired by circuitous means: try influence peddling, weeping, threatening self-harm, contacting local member,
22. Go through rigmarole with employer's accountant again (Go to step 6)
23. Finally hand deliver the form to DOH just to be on the safe side
24. DOH takes another surprisingly long time to work out new rent
25. Start paying rent plus arrears, unless a particularly zealous CSO, acting on new slash-and-burn ministerial directive, decides its time the tenant was taught a lesson and has 'em hauled before the CTT (The Tribunal)
26. Tenant realises that the rent calculation was wrong. D'oH calculates the rent 3 different ways, and it never comes out the same.
27. After much head-scratching and whispered background consulting with superiors, the correct formula is negotiated over the next couple of days.
28. By this time, tenant's contract has ended and s/he is unemployed again.
    But now, she must pay rent on an income s/he is no longer earning, having already spent the rent money on the items listed in point 12.
29. Get next job, hopefully soon.
30. Go straight to Step 1. Do not collect Rental Subsidy form, that comes much later ...

Quick! Hide the plasma TV! Vinnies pays a visit.

Just kidding. Of course DH doesnt own a plasma TV. But she feels as guilty as if she did. She doesn't look as poor as she is, and you would never guess from a first look at her place that she doesnt own a single item of furniture worth more than $60. The TV is eight years old, and the last time she bought a HiFi was in 1976. But it's amazing what you can do with 2 brightly coloured cushions, and a little Lack, Billy, and Klackbo. (And if you dont know what she's talkin' bout, you're clearly a traitor to Western values).

 

Why does she feel guilty? Well, she feels so sorry for the poor volunteers of St Vincents who are  being shamelessly exploited by the 3 Scrooges, Howard, Abbott and Costello, These poor people,  in their naivete. imagine that by giving up their precious hours after work, taking time away from their families, and wasting petrol to drive over with some electricity vouchers,  they are doing Christlike service for the poor, when in fact their main service is to make Costello look good on budget night, by doing for free what the Commonwealth Employment Service once did for award pay.

 

And in turn, people like DH have to play their part, and look suitably miserable, humble, contrite, and grateful.

 

Once the unemployed had rights. THeir benefits were enough to cover the utilities. Now they must beg.  They know the vouchers are out there, but they must needs open their homes to all comers for the privilege of getting a $30 voucher. (Actually come to think of it electricity is a State matter. You mean, Labor set up this appalling arrangement with the churches???)  

 

Well, DH;s place looks good and cheerful, and she wouldnt be caught dead in grubby trackie-daks. So she found herself feeling she had to do something to make her visitors feel the trip was worth the effort. And before you knew it, she was whining and carrying on as if she was in the confessional booth, forgive me father, for I spent $12 on the cushions, but the keyboard is not mine, and anyway its broken, and dont be fooled by the speakers, I picked them up at cleanup day, and and and

 

BTW for the benefit of the downwardly envious, DH does have some part-time work. But most of it will go in Govt clawbacks, and as for the Dept of Housing, she's afraid they'll go into fibrillations when they have to work out her new rent based on a variable hour casual short term contract.

 

 

 

 

Welfare Bermuda Triangle

Can the Bermuda Triangle migrate in the manner of the hole in the ozone layer? If so, it's hovering right over DH"s place.

Consider all that has gone missing lately

• Letter from Centrelink promised Wed Sep 13 (see below) advising DH of her work capacity test appointment (without which she has been told she cannot join Job Network
• Response from D'oH to job application sent several months ago. (DH just rang to inquire, but was advised that decision was made ages ago and she didnt get the job. However no courtesy letter saying yay or nay has been rec'd from our ever efficient department)
• Application form for another position in D'oH promised 5 days ago
• One charity volunteer supposed to bring Electricity Vouchers (great move from Howard. Charity means never having to say "We're accountable", on the ground that it's charity and recipients should be grateful)
• Food vouchers from charity. (see previous point on accountability). "Oops, we forgot to bring them, but never mind, we'll send them tomorrow with our other volunteer" (see previous point on missing volunteer ).
  That was a week ago. Just as well DH borrowed money from elsewhere to tide her over
  
• And last but not least, D'oH contract tradespeople are notorious for disappearing without trace on the appointed day

OTOH, this theory breaks down somewhat when you consider the deluge of paperwork that arrives from Centrelink - see the little beaudies on the right...

Centrelink chicanery

Item 1. Deceptive practise 

 

DH is gobsmacked at the depths of chicanery* to which Howard's Centrelink has sunk in order to save itself $400  - money that means nothing to the taxpayer but means quite simply that she is now absolutely destitute and reliant on food vouchers, is under financial house arrest as she and her daughter have less than $10 left in the world. Her first Centrelink payment after a month of unemployment will be $11 (as the Department of Housing has first claim due to its direct debit arrangement)

 

DH's job ended on 3rd August. She rang up Centrelink on that day to claim Newstart or a Carer's Pension. (You can verify this for yourself on this blog for the 3rd of August).  Due to the obvious misinformation suppled by the young call centre operator, she told Centrelink that she would call back when she had made an informed decision. (DH has now heard from Centrelink insiders that Centrelink's call centre operators are indeed as ill-informed and poorly trained as they sound, thanks to high staff turnover in an impossible job)

She was assured that provided she called back within 2 weeks, her claim would be backdated to the 3rd.

 

DH rang back on the 7th August notifying her intention to claim Newstart. She duly received a letter stating that her claim had been rec'd,  along with a page of details that does not look anything like a usual Centrelink form, but which apparently was meant to be signed and sent in by the 16th.

 

DH was not informed of any of this verbally, all she knew was that she had done everything required of her, had made an appointment for a phone interview, and trusted that everything was OK, Being busy, she did not read the small print, She still had sufficient trust as an Australian citizen to believe that information given by phone, (with receipt number) in such a serious matter could be trusted.

 

At her intake interview in Parker St however, she was shocked to discover that because she had not sent in this form, her claim would only start 2 weeks later. The phone receipt counted for nothing, because Centrelink did not record a reason for the call. How convenient for them,to assume that DH had merely rung up for a bitter of a natter about this and that, totally unrelated to a need to get sustenance.

 

If this is not chicanery, what is?

Item 2. Holiday pay scam

 

DH also found that as she had 13 days holiday pay coming to her, her Centrelink payment would be delayed too weeks. While DH considers this ethically outrageous,  (as it penalises workers who do not claim their holiday pay out of a misguided sense of responsibility. DH wishes now that she had taken more leave from her job. She has been far too generous to her ungrateful employer), Nevertheless this is a rule not a scam.

 

The scam is that this holiday pay period does not start from the date that work ends, but from the date that the employer actually pays you. DH;s employer gave her her holiday pay a week late. It's pure chicanery on Centrelink's part that they penalise her a weeks pension because her employer paid her late.,

 

If this is not chicanery, what is?

 

 

 

chicanery. –noun, plural -er-ies.

1.	trickery or deception by quibbling or sophistry: He resorted to the worst flattery and chicanery to win the job.

2.	a quibble or subterfuge used to trick, deceive, or evade.

 3. the use of tricks to deceive someone (usually to extract money from them) [syn: trickery, chicane, guile, wile, shenanigan]

 

[Source. www.dictionary.com]

A few corrections for SMH readers

DH spent about an hour talking to Debra Jopson, and is very happy about the report
(at http://www.smh.com.au/multimedia/housing/story2.html).
Just a few things were misunderstood, probably lost among the verbiage due to DH's fondness for extended qvetching.

1. DH is not personally threatened at this stage with expulsion from public housing due to "high" income, as she is not on a fixed term lease, having been a tenant before 2005.
   
   
2. She did not sit on her bum being unemployed for 8 years straight. Her unemployment is intermittent, 8 of her 18 years as a sole parent. This is a result of: the insecurities of contract work; lack of affordable child care; and the added pressures of raising a child with a disability.
   
   While right-wing governments would love to force all workers onto contract, social security systems which require predictability and simple rules, cannot cope.
   
   This is why DH went through the hell of being hauled before the Rent Tribunal (see earlier months of this blog) and why she is constantly paying money back to Centrelink for reasons that are beyond even her advanced Excel skills.
   
   
3. DH did not end up earning $46,000 this year, as her circumstances changed since talking to the Herald. She only started work mid-financial year. The spreadsheet below reports the actual situation (with $87 a week left after fixed expenses). At the time she spoke to Debra her spreadsheet was based on her full-time wage, but as the carer of a demanding teenager with a disability, she had to give up full-time work. Thanks to this, she was spared this year from having to pay HECS and Austudy.
   
   D'oH calculates rent on Gross income before HECS/Austudy comes off, thus creating a disincentive to education as well as work.
   

Anatomy of a work disincentive. The "Good Life" on $87 a week

Check the spreadsheet (pdf) or click on the image to see where the money goes

Here is one reason why DH was glad her contract ended. She worked 4 days (28 hours) per week. (As the parent of a disabled teenager, part-time work was all she could handle.) After D'oH rent, transport, privatised health costs, and fixed costs like gas and electricity, she had only $87 a week left.

Fixed costs btw, do not cover FOOD or any of the items below.

$87 a week had to cover food, drygoods, clothes, cosmetics, repairs, emergencies, household goods, medical and dental gap fees, taxis, holidays, daughter's university fees, textbooks, stationery and consumables, not to mention female unmentionables, and basic social capital goods, eg newspapers, club and organisation membership fees, outings, accidental losses, presents, charity donations, lattes…

So how does her family survive?

Her daughter also gets a disability pension, a princely sum of $160 per week. That's it, $240 per week for everything. She borrows from her mother's age pension at the beginning of the week, and her mother borrows it back at the end.

Why doesn't she work full-time or get a higher paying job?

Rent and tax take the bulk of it. Once she earns a certain amount, the percentage that goes on rent also increases. And once she earns over that, she begins to pay HECS, and Austudy, and must pay rent on the gross amount including money she nevers sees. And if she was one of the unfortunates who got their housing after 2005 and was on a fixed tenancy, she would be facing eviction for earning "too much".

Day 0: Unemployed again!

Balance Sheet: Ezybanking: $35.50 CR. Mastercard $1418.15 DR; Daughter's account: $93.68 Cash on hand; ~$15 + half a jar of 5 and 10 cent pieces. Investments: Nil. Car: Nil.

DH is unemployed again as of today.

Alas, lest she find herself in breech of some arcane new Kafkalink ruling, she must draw a veil of mystery over the circumstances of her severance, and can only say that her contract ended.

However, let her whisper the words "Work Disincentive" in your shell-like. There wasn't much financial carrot in the job, once D'oH had had their cut, once she lost her pensioner subsidies on things like transport and medications, (whose main purpose was to keep her tottering off to work in the first place).

See "$181 a week. How far can you stretch it?" below. She was only a few dollars better off than she was on the Carer's Pension, except that she was perpetually exhausted, and stressed out to boot, since her caring duties had not lessened one whit.

So since she baulked on the carrot of "Welfare to Workhouse", let Centrelink do its worst with the stick.

As a service to the public DH will be faithfully charting her descent through the

9 Circles of Centrelink Hell:

Follow her, if you dare, as she passes through the Dolourous Gates marked:

Through me the way is to eternal dole*;
Abandon all hope, o, ye who enter here.

LET THE BUNGLING BEGIN!

* Of crse, Dante meant a different kind of dole, but it seems prophetic anyhow

The mystery solved

The mystery object on the left is a transverse section of the Department of Housing's response to an account inquiry by DH, listing 6 months of rental transactions. Extraordinarily for a department that DH knows spent a fortune on a state of the art computer data warehousing system not so long ago, it appears that after decades of advances in computer technology, the Department doesn't appear to be capable of creating a simple report.
The document you see on the right is a full frontal view of the "mystery object". It's a series of screen dumps painstaking glued together by Housing Department staff. Despite their efforts, it is pretty much unintelligible, even by Department staff.

DH made the request because she has a tribunal order to pay back rent arrears at $150 a fortnight. She was just about to make another payment when it occurred to her that the debt might be paid off already. Inquiries with various housing department help lines, gave her 3 different responses, including

1. You are 4 weeks in arrears
2. That's funny. According to this you should owe us $2000 (DH nearly had a heart attack at this point.
3. You are $50 ahead

Finally, it turned out that DH was right. She was $50 ahead. Hurrah!

However: She wonders what would have happened if she was, say, learning disabled, poorly educated, unable to speak up for herself, etc etc. How long might she have gone on paying back arrears at a rate causing her serious hardship before anyone at D'oH noticed?

It's quite extraordinary that the Department's procedures and formulae for working out rent due are so arcane that their own staff must spend an hour working out something that ought to be accomplished at the push of a button!

Guessing Competition: Identify the mystery object

EUUGGHH! What on EARTH is it???

• A new marine life-form
• A new logo for intellectually challenged White Supremacists
• An installation at the Sydney Biennale
• An occupational therapy project for the rehabilitation of burnt-out D'oH staff
• Creative project of the D'oH Craft Club
• D'oH standard format for a Freedom of Information request

First correct answer gets a genuine replica of the item, to hang over their mantelpiece, use as a light fitting, baby mobile, whatever.

Answer tomorrow

Earth to Planet D'OH. Come in Team-Leader.

Darlin' I've rung you half a dozen times in the last three months,but I havent heard your voice since before Xmas.  How come you never return my calls??? Is it something I've done? Are you mad at me? Pick up - I know you're out there somewhere. Dont be such a stranger!

 

Do the people who answer the phone at Planet D'oH actually pass on messages? Does the budget run to paper and pencil? Does the computer they peck away at actually connect to anything?

 

It's a mystery!

DH reveals her most shameful secret!

Following on in her series, "Nothing to hide, nothing to lose?", DH has decided, as a service to the public, to reveal her most shameful secret!

And what is middle Australia's most closely guarded secret? Hardly scandalous tales of wild abandonment and illicit goings on. As if! Most of us are worked way too hard and are way too exhausted at the end of the day to even think about it.

No, she's talking about the family budget, the embarassing story of just exactly what we earn, and what we spend those hard-earned dollars on.

So here it is. A completely detailed breakdown, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually of a middle income Australian's household budget.

Read the spreadsheet and weep.

ANATOMY OF A MODERN SUBSISTENCE INCOME:

Desperate Houso's Annual Budget.

The Spreadsheet

(published in HousoLink, a newsletter for Public Housing Tenants)

Summary of DH's Weekly Budget

Total Family Income : 974
Total Govt Clawbacks : 247 (Tax, HECS, Austudy. Overpayments)
Department of HOusing: 300
-----------------------------------------------------------
Remainder : 426
Necessities : 439
-----------------------------------------------------------
What's left $13 out of pocket a week
Fines and penalties 22.00 **
-------------------------------------------------------------
- 35.00
========================================

* NECESSITIES: Includes averaged groceries, (food and non-food eg cleaning products), transport, health insurance, medical gap fees (despite exorbitant health insurance fees and medicare), prescriptions, contents insurance, $400 worth of basic clothing a year, uni fees, budget haircuts, telecommunications, utilities and memberships of poliitical, disability, community groups, union fees)

Does NOT include such "luxuries" as : a fortnightly movie for self and child, books, newspapers, birthday presents, Christmas presents (she doesnt buy them anymore anyway), holidays, lattes, an occasional bottle of wine, or anything that makes life beautiful really, the occasional taxi, a CD or video hire now and then

The weekly cost of these basic "luxuries"? $125

*
* PENALTIES: (Bank fees, parking fine penalties, overdrawn fees. ACOSS documents how the poor pay more for everything because they cant afford to pay on time)

SO HOW DOES DH MAKE ENDS MEET?

Well, her car was due for rego, but she cant afford it this year. So now she has no car, though with a disabled dependant, her need is greater than most.

She scrounges what she can. She borrows from Peter to pay Paul, and vice versa. She has humiliating encounters at Vinnies. She borrows money from her mothers' pension.

What a life, eh, in the richest country on earth, for a woman with a responsible job in the public sector, a higher degree, and a disabled dependent?