Thursday, April 05, 2007

Let my workers go!

DH dedicates her Easter Sermon to all her Jewish friends who are celebrating Passover, the Festival of Freedom, and wishes them good luck with the social justice agenda. Things can only get better, surely???

Please turn therefore, to todays' texts, Exodus 5:1-23. and An Unexpected Tragedy: Evidence for the connection between working patterns and family breakdown in Australia

And it came to pass, that after the horrors of WW II, and an abundant social security system fought for by workers, unionists, and bleeding heart baby boomers, the Children of Australia prospered and were fruitful and productive, and the land flowed with milk and honey.

Now there arose up a new Pharoah over Australia, and his name was TutankHoward II, and he knew naught of history.

And he said unto his people, "Behold, the workers grow prosperous and idle. Come let us deal wisely with them, lest they start eating into our profits". And thus he set over them taskmasters to afflict them with burdens. And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, and AWA's, and GST's, and made them serve with rigour, even unto the weekends and shift work.

Now there was a man called Kevin, who had been cast out of his father's house by wicked landlords, and he was the seed of Gough, who begat what's his name, who begat Bob, who begat Paul, who begat Kim, who begat Mark, who somehow doubled back and begat Kim all over again, who finally did the right thing and begat Kevin.

Now it came to pass that Kevin was leading his flock at an Anti-Iraq rally, when he heard a still small voice emanating from, of all places, a burning Bush effigy that the people had strung up to great effect. And the voice sayeth to him, Get thee to Pharaoah, and demand, "Let my workers go" for I have seen the affliction of my people, and have come to deliver them from (the banality of) Evil. For Pharoah is a smooth man, and you are not a hairy man. And Kevin said, Why me, for I have a Round Face, and a Bad Haircut, and surely Pharoah will laugh at me, But the Voice would not Listen, and eventually anointed his head with a cricket bat, and so Kevin had to go forth. But Pharoah's heart was hardened, and Mother Nature was exceeding wroth and smote him with ...

The 10 Plagues

  1. The Murrary-Darling turned to dust
  2. Cane Toads on the march
  3. Ice
  4. Viruses and Trojans
  5. Mad Cows
  6. Bad Hair Days
  7. Hail and bushfires
  8. Darkness, Sydney plunged in
  9. TBA
And still pharoah would not hearken, neither would he inscribe the Kyoto Protocol, but instead he sent his taskmasters to oppress the people even more than heretofore, and he sayeth unto them, Ye are idle, Ye are idle, Go therefore now and work, and there shall be no straw, neither penalty rates given you, yet shall ye still deliver your quota.

So Mother Nature goes, she goes, Right, that's it, I've had enough, and she hardened Tutankhoward's heart evenmoreso than beforeso, and she said unto Her prophet take thy Rudd and cast it down before Pharoah, and do thou try not to turn into a snake in the grass and slither off and sell out my people, as your forefathers did before you. And ye shall know my people for they are those that hearkened to my prophet that I sent them, Sam Kekovich, and moreso did the Right Thing on Australia Day and bailed out My Shepherds from financial ruin and smeared their Doorposts with the blood of Good Old Aussie Lamb. And so Kevin went forth, and to cut a long story short, the Goddess promised him an Electoral Tsunami that would wash Pharoah and his evil Viziers so far to Kingdom Come that even their memory wouldn't rate so much as a black armband.

And so may it come to pass, Amen.


Mr Wggl said...

Abso-bloody-lutely brilliant, and you haven't had to trim a lot off the truth to fit the scenario, either.

This is better than even your usually high standard. Thanks again: barbs of wit hurt the Evil Gnome more than bullets.

DH said...

Mr Wggl has made DH's day, but after intense linguistic analysis, she thinks she just might be onto his true identity ... Though calling yourself Mr Wggl, Kevin, is rather unseemly ...