Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Mouse that Roared: Leichhardt Council's Excellent Middle Eastern Adventure

In a dazzling display of tripartisan unity, Leichhardt Council has catapulted itself beyond the mundane sphere of local politics right into the global arena. Growing impatient with their own parties' foreign policy platforms, Libs, Labs and Greens have voted unaminously to strike a blow for peace in the Middle East.

Council will be pointedly sticking it to Israel and throwing its support unilaterally behind the Palestinians by entering a Sister City arrangement with Hebron in the Palestinian Territories.

Leapfrogging right past local small-beer neediness such as tsunami-ravaged communities or starving Cambodian orphans in our immediate region (Boring!), they are going straight for the foreign policy jugular: "Armageddon or Bust".

This move is not without some risk of course. One shudders to think of the temptation a plump pink visiting alderman on a solidarity mission might offer to some Islamofascist splinter group dreaming of holding a hostage of its very own. Fortunately, showing great strategic foresight, Leichhardt Council has preempted this alarming contingency by making Hebron into a Clayton's Sister City, with no exchange of visiting dignitaries and no overseas junketing. The idea is that, instead, we send Hebron vital supplies such as Balmain Library's reject potboilers, maybe a couple of textbooks, the odd retired Council van, and a few hints on garbage disposal.

Another danger: Imagine the power plays within Fatah and Hamas, should they hear that a consignment of Margaret Fulton Cookbooks is on its way! Leichhardt Council might want to consider that this could seriously destabilise the fragile ceasefire between these two warring factions, which is now in its fifth hour.

Predictably, some ratepayers can already be heard grumbling that Leichhardt Council might better attend to such matters as expediting DA's, getting the grease marks off Balmain's grimy pavements, or even ceasing to terrorise locals with its rogue parking meters.

But how utterly typical of this unimaginative class of bourgeois landowners! These people want to be taking a moral stance! They want to look at the big picture. Why, they need to see that this is a masterstroke of genius! Can't they see that in a stunning strategic trifecta Leichhardt council has simultaneously
  • rid itself of a sizable waste disposal problem with the unsaleable leftovers from Balmain Library's book fair
  • struck a blow against the International "Zionist" Conspiracy, which as everyone knows, is the real culprit behind the Iraq war and possibly even September 11
  • captured the much-coveted voting bloc of the Socialist Alliance, by the simple expedient of stealing its entire platform!
Or here's a possiblity. Why stop with linking up with Marrickville Council? Why not get all the Inner Western Councils to link up and encircle Waverley Council, which everyone knows is controlled by Zionists, and push it into the sea?

No comments: